Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Research into the Thayer and Newton issue indicates that the hatred of Newton began 15 years ago when Evans was visiting relatives in Atlanta. According to the report, the Newton's lived in the same neighborhood as Todd Evans, Thayer's first cousin. Todd, age 15 and Thayer, age 16, according to sources, went to the neighborhood playground to play basketball, and were challenged by 6 year old Cam Newton to a 2-on-1 contest. Cam reportedly beat the Evans twice before they quit and went home. As they were leaving Thayer Evans was reported to have promised Newton that he would get even one day.
Now, days before Newton will assuredly win the nation's top football award, Evans has apparently quit once again. For an entire month, Thayer Evans wrote article after article demanding that Heisman voters not vote for Cam. He accused Newton of accepting money to play. He illegally investigated and reported on his collegiate record at the University of Florida. He constantly brought up a mistake Cam admitted to regarding a stolen laptop. He continued to beg Heisman voters not to vote for Cam Newton. All to no avail. Newton will easily win the Heisman, and his undefeated Auburn Tigers will play Oregon in the BCS National Championship game.
Thayer Evans failed in his mission, and is reported to have told co-workers that he intends to move to North Korea and apply for the job of Propaganda Minister which was recently vacated when Pak Wan Su was sentenced to 10 years in a hard labor facility for watching American Football on an illegal satellite dish.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
"The Hugo Awards, to give them their full title, are awards for excellence in the field of science fiction and fantasy. They were first awarded in 1953, and have been awarded every year since 1955. The awards are run by and voted on by fans."*
This year, in the fantasy category, readers and fans have nominated Thayer Evans for his serial work about Cam Newton, the leading candidate for the Heisman Trophy. Evans' serials document sources claiming that Cam's father solicited money from people associate with Mississippi State University. They also have a historical twist where Evans' describes events about Cam's time at the University of Florida where Evans' claims Newton was accused of cheating (according to unnamed sources and potentially illegally obtained student records).
One Hugo voter, Howard Gullable, stated that "This is the best fantasy serial that I've ever read in the sports section!" Another voter exclaimed "He just keeps coming up with awesome articles that have no basis in reality--that's the definition of fantasy!"
*Definition from Wikipedia
An investigation has reportedly been launched by NewsCorp, the parent company of FoxSports.com, to determine whether or not the allegations are true. Evans and his agent, Conway Twitty, had no comment.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Evans clearly has some strong proof of his "innocence," but as long as unnamed sources continue to report on Evans' past and present alleged transgressions, this reporter will be there to blog about them.
Evans repotedly transferred to Trinity Episcopal School to possibly avoid expulsion from Morgan Elementary. FoxSports.com, Evans current employer, has been notified of these serious charges. The National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association has also been notified.
Bear Bryant Award Voters: PLEASE DON'T VOTE FOR THAYER EVANS! He cheated and lied when he was 9 years old!